the dialects

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"Study the past, if you would divine the future."

Yao: [pointing to the television, replaying the scene from 2004, the Pacers-Pistons Brawl, the Malice at the Palace] Look at you man, you're running into the stands and everything. You're crazy man. All the guy did was throw a cup at you. Why'd you have to go run and try and beat his head in?

"Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it."

Ron: [shrugging] Whatever dude. My momma love me.

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"Only the wisest and stupidest of men never change."

Yao: [shaking his head, slowly, sadly] That's fine. But everyone else thinks you're psycho.

Ron: I'm ghetto man. I'm hood. That's who I am. Can't change that.

Yao: I'm not asking you to change who you are, man, just what you do. I mean... [gesturing to tape of Artest playing physical defense] Look at this. You're all over the man. He's trying to back you down and your nuts are all up grinding on his butt, your hands are all reaching around. Iverson's ghetto but he never went all Senator Larry Craig on dude. Melo's ghetto and he doesn't he even play D!

Ron: That's just me bodying up on fool, man. You gotta feel me.

Yao: No, man I don't... I don't wanna feel you. Plus you get techincals all the time.

Ron: That's just the system, son. That's the man, keeping a brother down.

Yao: That's a woman Ron. And she's giving you a techincal because you're yelling at her face.

Ron: Well, maybe I didn't like her face.

Yao: [shaking head slowly, sadly] ...

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"I will not be concerned at other men's not knowing me; I will be concerned at my own want of ability."

Ron: Listen, man, I appreciate you trying to help. I know my image is wack right now. People don't like me. They think I'm nuts. But I can't change what I did. I can only go out there now and do what I love. Play basketball.

Yao: [touched] Wow, Ron. I'm impressed, I really am. That's really something, man.

Ron: Yeah, you know what else is really something? Me on the mic. Man we in Houston now baby! Where the stage at? Where the groupies at? Let's burn this mofo down son!

Yao: [looks like the chef said no more fried rice only plain rice now sorry]

Ron: Nah, I'm playing wit you son. On the real, though. You feel me though? Back in 04, that was wild man, I know. But it's just when someone disrespects you like that, you gotta clap back man. That's the way I was raised. You got traditions too man, one of my main mans is asian. He made me take off my shoes and everything when I got to his crib. Fresh J's man, I wear those joints to show 'em whose boss! And he made me take 'em off! I had to be walking around his crib in my damn socks!

Yao: Yeah, that's true. I don't like taking my shoes off either. My feet are so damn big it's mad awkard when it's time to leave and everyone's putting their shoes back on and everyone's all staring at my size 22s. Those things are like battleships in middle of fishing ships man. Joints is big.

Ron: Yeah, so you do feel me!

Yao: Yeah, man. I think I do.

Ron: Plus, I mean, when the dude threw s at me shit had beer in it and everything. If it was like a empty cup, I'd be like whatevs, man, no big deal. But it still had beer in it! Dude might have had influenza or whooping cough or something. Streets is dangerous man.

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"When we see persons of worth, we should think of equaling them; when we see persons of a contrary character, we should turn inwards and examine ourselves."

Yao: You know what, Ron. I've learned a lot about you today.

Ron: Yeah, I can do that sometimes. Can't help it. I'm just a mad real dude, man.

Yao: No, seriously. I feel like I should open up more.

Ron: [eyeing him suspiciously] Whoa, hey now man. Hold up a minnute. What you getting at.

Yao: With T-mac I mean I brought him to some nice Chinese restaurants and showed him what's real in Chinatown and what's not. Hooked him up with some nice bootleg dvd's and knockoff iPhones. But yo.

Ron: Yo.

Yao: You every try bean curd?

"Without feelings of respect, what is there to distinguish men from beasts?"

houston we have a ron-ron

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palace of auburn hills fan favorite ronny artest is packing his bags baby. bye bye cowbells hello longhorn nation. time for you to brush off the mic homie welcome to the home of screwed and chopped.

how's this gonna work out? we know adelman likes to run and we know ron likes to go nuts. no wonder they like each other it's one user enabling another. shooting up some run-n-gun, snorting some complicated ball movement, and coughing up a championship or 2 before the machine flat-lines. that's the plan.

reality. adelman worked some magic not gonna lie. 22 games all wins no losses. money. plus he made it work with yao when guy was healthy. you got a 7'6 dude not named shawn bradley you do half-court sets man you dribble up and feed the beast down low. that's how it works. nope. adleman made yao a piece of the rocket machine. that was good. you can do the pass the ball to 1 guy and watch him iso move with kobe maybe but yao ain't kobe. so that was a nice call.

still no postseason movement though. yeah yao was banged up and t-mac was doing the '01 orlando magic dance again but still. hence the ron grab.

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how's homie fit in? t-mac is stoked, yao prolly popped a couple bottles soaked the ground up real nice in the motherland, and adelman always had mancrush on dude. artest is still madman but he's crazy with something to prove. so i got a feeling he'll keep his junk in his trunk for at least this season no alpha dog bitchfights in my humble opine.

in the machine tho how's this cog fit when the rockets in movement. 1st of all this is one random ass team always has been. skip's streetball king you figure he likes fast paced behind-the-back, off-the-elbow, between-the-legs. shane's defense guy with a money 3. t-mac's 1 man circus show or at least he used to be. yao is great wall. it's like a jigsaw puzzle where all the pieces are from different puzzles with different colors and shit but the shapes somehow fit. at least during that little run they had there.


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ron is crazy talented but not in that textbook ray-allen-follow-through, smooth criminal kobe way. he's kinda all herky jerky muscle-my-way a la bron bron kind of offensive might. so he's just another awkward piece cut from another cloth that just might fit in seamlessly.

as a fan of basketball im stoked. it's not like washington's big 3 where it's basically different manifestations of the same character. it's not boston's 3 guys commited to 1 goal type poetic shit. this is 3 guys from different planets trying to make it to mars.

stay tuned homies.